Domestically Challenged

Magic erasers not magic enough

So, over the weekend, while I was fighting off whatever new crappy bug I have, my daughter decided to color on her walls. My son NEVER did anything remotely close to this, so it's all new to me. My son came to me as we were getting ready to go to the mall and told me that The Menace was coloring on the walls.

What he failed to mention was that it was with permanent marker. Green permanent marker.

I know Magic Erasers are supposed to magically clean most everything, but I don't think it extends to walls, doors, feet, bed sheets or any of the other places The Menace tagged. I'm sure this is all normal behavior for a "spirited" 3 year old, but quite frankly, normal is overrated.

The little Halloweenies

Halloween is such a fun holiday. We dress our kids up so we can't recognize them and then get them hopped up on sugar ALL DAY LONG!

Isn't it stupid crazy fun!

To make it even better, at my house, we haven't even carved our pumpkins yet! Hubby got home at bedtime yesterday, so we are going to fit in dinner, pumpkin carving and trick or treating all in one night. Then, the kids will be so buzzed on sugar, they won't be able to sleep and then getting them up for school tomorrow will be even more painful eventful.

I love the kids excitement though. My son was SO excited he was up at 4:45 AM, convinced I had slept through my alarm. He kept asking "Mom, isn't it past time to get up?" No, son it isn't.

Another reason I love this holiday is that we the kids get so much candy, that they just have to share with their parents. It's like a Halloween tax - we take them Trick or Treating and then we get our cut. Besides, we simply have to check the candy for safety reasons?

One of the things we have never done (maybe next year) is hold a Halloween party. I love seeing grown ups dressed up to look utterly and completely silly for a day. Add in a few spirits and it's a writer's dream - there is material for days. I have seen some pretty good costumes, but just once I want to see a group of guys dressed as the A Team. Wouldn't that be cool? Forget being a pirate or a bottle of ketchup (unless you are this pirate - yummy! LOL). Go for the gusto and be original, you know?

Back to finish soon....

Mr. Noodlearm

So, my son got his cast off yesterday and while this is very good news (no more taking a bath with a garbage bag) I didn't realize that we weren't done yet. I mean, nobody told me that even though the cast comes off, he won't be all better. In fact, I was very upset to learn that his FREEKIN' ARM IS STILL BROKEN!!!!

Um, yeah. Apparently when you break an arm as severely as his was, the bone doesn't heal for MONTHS. To make this better, while the arm is in a cast the break isn't necessarily healing, it's just that new bone grows around the fracture. Hmmmmmm. Couldn't someone have told me this?!?!

It seems to me an important point to know. He will be in a brace for 3 more weeks (but we can take it off) and he can't run or anything for 6 weeks, and even then he will have to be careful. I thought we were done with this.

My son always does a good job putting things in perspective for me. He told me this morning, without a hint of sadness "You know mom, I really thought we'd be done with all this after the cast came off." (and yes, he is 6 and really talks like that. We swear he is a 70 year old man at heart). Then he said "Well, that's ok - at least I can take a shower and sit in the sand at recess."

I love that kid!

And the arm went SNAP! Part 1

A few weeks ago, I received the call that every parent dreads. It went something like this - "Mrs. Morales, this is the nurse at the elementary school. Your son's arm is broken."

This has always been a fear of mine. I never had a broken bone growing up, so it has always been a nightmare that one of my kids would break their arm. I always figured that my daughter would be the first kid to break something (my husband agreed), but nope.

Anyways, so I asked the nurse "Are you sure it is broken?" Her reply? "Um, Mrs. Morales, his wrist was dangling. I'm sure."

Now since my return to teaching this year (more on that in another post), I put my son in the elementary school across the street so I could be close, you know, in case anything happened.

Going into mom-panic mode, I asked my team teacher to find me a sub and raced to my son's aid, without even signing out. I wasn't quite sure what to expect, but even if I had something in my mind, it wouldn't have matched this situation. I called my husband who, only by the grace of God I am sure, just so happened to be working ONE MILE AWAY. You know how often he works in the area? One to two times a week.

I raced into the office and announced who I was. The first thing that struck me was how concerned and panicked everyone looked. This my first clue that things were bad. Then I heard the screams.

My son was lying on the cot in the nurse's office, but before I even got to him, there were 4 women around me telling me what happened.

"It happened at recess." "He fell off the bridge" "His arm was dangling""We heard the snap and his piercing scream." I felt sick, but I knew I had to be strong for him. Then I saw him lying there and almost got sick.

He started wailing when he saw me. "Mom, I broke my arm!"

Once we got things figured out, we began to move him. You know on XMen, the little girl who screams and breaks glass? That's what it sounded like.

We loaded him into the wheelchair and wheeled him out to the truck. Thank heavens my husband pulled up at that exact moment. We loaded him into the truck (with more wailing), my husband climbed in the back seat (that's who he wanted to sit with him), and we were off to the hospital.

Part 2 will post tomorrow - I had no idea how upsetting this would be. I know it's just a broken arm and all, but wait till you hear about the hospital visits (yes, plural) and especially how it happened...

Potty Time!

OK, so my daughter is now officially over 3 and still isn't potty trained. I made the executive decision that we would begin the torture process.

I went out to Target and bought anything that I thought may help, including a variety of bribes. I left off the alcohol (which I really could have used), but remembered the toys and candy.

So far, the process has been pretty good. Yesterday was an accident free day (though the lake she created this morning more than made up for it) and she has even held it during a few car trips. I hate having to put her in diapers and pull ups at nap and at night, but its better than the mess she creates.

What blows my mind is that she is SO much more difficult to train than my son was. I mean, he was done in two days with VERY few accidents and was night trained in like two months. And this was before he was 3. Not her. She sits on the potty sometimes for over 30 minutes, only to get up and sit back down and go. She scoots all around the house on the potty and has even eaten snack while sitting on the mini-can.

So, not only do I have to eventually teach her to wipe herself, but I have to teach her that she should actually be peeing in the bathroom and that it isn't a good idea to eat while sitting on the toilet. Reading - yes, eating - no.

Saved by the 5 year old...again

As a parent, have you ever had that feeling that you should just let your kid do something, and then it turns out you are really, really glad you did? I have had several of these 'feelings' with my son, but never more powerful than last night.

Last night I was scheduled to be on the evening news. My son was so excited that he couldn't sleep. We had agreed that if he went and got a few hours of sleep, we would wake him up for the news. Well, after he got up for the third time wanting to know if it was ten, I went against my husbands wishes and let him stay up. I figured it wouldn't hurt and he wasn't going to sleep anyway, so he might as well lay downstairs with us.

Good thing he did. The baseball game we were watching finished early enough that they had time to air a rerun of "Everybody Loves Raymond." My husband was snoring before the end of the baseball game, and I quickly followed. I woke up once during Raymond, but other than that, I was out.

I was awakened by my son going "Mom, there you are!" I was panicked - what if I had slept through my TV bit? How bad would that suck, especially after my husband and I joked about it?

Luckily, my son had seen a teaser (one of two they did - yay!) and I did not sleep through the news. I thought it was nice that he was totally quiet the entire time we slept until the news began. Just goes to show that you sometimes need to go with what your kids want - it may well be worth it!

At what age can a juvinile be delinquent?

Can you be a juvinile delinquent at the ripe age of two? My daughter is going to test it.

You see, I put her in dance two mornings a week to help her get used to listening to other people, becasue I figure, if she won't listen to me, maybe she will listen to someone else. Yeah, well, she won't.

For her Friday class, she is actually doing better. This past class, she was actually doing what she was supposed to, until she saw me peeking around the corner, then all bets were off.

Today's class was different. I asked the teacher how she did and the teacher replied "Oh, she wouldn't listen at all! Every time I said her name she just completely ignored me."

Now, my first gut instinct was that this girl was too young to be in a class of 8 2 1/2 year olds. My second gut instinct was who does she think she is talking like that? My third reaction (mind you, all of these took about 2.4 seconds) was from my teaching mindset. I really get the impression that she doesn't have good classroom control. I know my daughter is difficult and I refuse to enable her. If she needs to be punished, so be it. BUT, if the teacher doesn't have good control of the classroom, it's just asking for trouble. It's kind of like swimming in shark infested waters with a gash on your leg - you're just asking for a leg to get ripped off.

So, in my PMS, gloomy Monday frame of mind, I bawled like a baby. I mean, my son was soooo good all the time, why isn't my daughter? Then it hit me - with my son, I was working. This means that I am a bad mom and I really have everyone fooled. I am the reason my daughter won't listen.

Now, I think deep, deep, deep, deep down I don't believe this, but it's hard to not think it at all, you know? This of course made me cry even harder. Pair this with the fact that we had to eat out for lunch again (I usually enjoy this, but we have been eating out TOO much) and the fact that my daughter decided to squirt her juice drink all over her lap, dump the lettuce from her sandwich in her lap and the floor of the car AND rip a hole in her dance tights big enough to pull up to her knee, and maybe you can understand my frustration with her.

The amazing thing about all of this is that she has the ability to be good. Yesterday, my son and hubby went fishing all day. So my daughter didn't feel left out, I took her to the kids art museum and out to a salad bar for lunch. You know wht? She was good. Not only was she good, but she was fun.

We laughed, she played, she didn't fight (because her brother wasn't around for her to fight with), she didn't throw food or a temper tantrum. It was a very enjoyable day.

So what does that tell you? I'm still trying to decide what it tells me. All I know is that I had a mini emotional breakdown in the parking lot of my son's school and even swatted her butt when she started to not listen while I was dropping him off. I don't want to feel like I let her get away with anything, which is something I have NEVER been accused of - I can be a hard ass.

The whole way home I was thinking about how much easier it would be if I jsut went back to teaching. Maybe she would do better if she was around a child care provider all day. I don't know - right now she can't even make it through a 45 minute class. And don't get me wrong, I will not be rushing back to the classroom any time soon.

I would miss too many things, like volunteering in my son's classroom, taking her to dance class even if it pains me to hear about her inability to listen, waking up with them and feeding them breakfast every day. I just wish I could figure out what to do to make her listen.

Until then, I'm going to enjoy a chocolate cupcake (remember, I'm PMS-ing) and try to distract myself with something. What was it....oh, yeah - work.

My Daughter and her Inability to Listen

I am such a terrible mother.

My daughter, let's call her Crazy Hair or CH for short, has a bit of trouble listening. She always has. Actually, there are many days that I truly wonder if she is a spawn of the devil. But I digress...

Today was her final dance class. The class is for kids ages 2 1/2 - 4. In my rush to have her in something social, I put her in. I have often felt guilty for not having her around other kids, since she has never been in childcare. My son was, and did wonderfully, but that's because the woman who watched him was just like me and we are now really, really good friends. I digress, again.

So, we have all been sick, so she has missed the past two weeks of class. I wasn't really too concerned, since she doesn't seem to understand the concept of dance (at least formally). I have always been a firm believer of not worrying about how the child was performing as long as they were having fun.

For example, when we are at soccer and my son doesn't make a goal, that's ok. I am just happy that he is now on the same end of the field as the ball. You see, there have been several games where he was at one end of the field and the kids (and the ball) were at the other. I even remember yelling to him "Hey, quit smelling the grass and go run with the kids!" Not something you say everyday.

I knew I was in trouble when we walked into dance class this morning and all the moms had their video cameras and digital cameras. The other little girls had their cute little pigtails done up extra nice and I thought "OK, what the hell did I miss this time?" I was just happy that she let me comb her hair before we left.

Now, I didn't know this, of course, but apparently at the end of any series of dance classes, there is a performance. Great. Well, I didn't get the memo, and since I am not a Stepford mom, I had no idea that this was normal protocol.

I then called my husband to see if he was in the area to come watch. He wasn't, which was good. This way only one of us had to be embarrased.

It takes a lot for my kids to embarrass me. They can throw a temper tantrum in the middle of a crowded store and I won't bat an eye. I know this is the teacher in me, but it didn't help me this morning.

As soon as class began, CH stopped listening. The pressure was on. There was an ENTIRE WALL of SUV moms poised with cameras. Then there was me, my son and the camera on my Palm Pilot. Now, for some reason that my husband and I can't explain, our daughter actually gets shy when she is in a group of people and the attention is on her. We can't figure this out, especially since she is such a ham.

So, the music began and the teacher pried CH off of my leg and over to the grou p of girsl. As I waited for the carnage to begin, I began to get a weird feeling in the pit of my stomach. it turns out, this was a result of knowing that your child, while cute, would be THE ONE. You know what I am talking about. THE ONE is the one who doesn't listen and isn't necessarily bad, just auditorilly challenged.

So, the music is going and my daughter had to be led by the teacher, which was par for the course. She had done this every time. But while the other girls were pointing, my daughter was galloping. When they sasheyed, she plopped. When they kicked, she ran.

I could hear the other moms whispering and I just wanted to melt. I did think about leaving class, not because of my own embarrasment, but because the teacher had to continually say things to my daughter. Did she have to say anything to the other girls? Of course not. I even had to threaten her with a time out because she wouldn't go over to her teacher.

Why was my daughter the only one not listening? Her behavior half the time is terrible. We are going to have a dip in the tile where her time out spot is, since she is there so often. I try to redirect her behavior and all it does is redirect the recipient of her behavior.

I am pretty sure every grey hair I have is directly related to her. I hate days like this. They are so depressing. They always make me wonder if I did the right thing by staying home with them. Maybe she wouldn't act like this if she were in childcare. Who knows? Bleh.

I thought video games made you sedentary...

So, I am sitting on the couch like a sloth, updating my VERY cool new website at www.alanamorales.com, and my son is playing his Lego Star Wars GameCube.

He is literally moving from one side of the living room, talking up a storm to the game. I am trying desperately to keep a straight face (he hates when I laugh AT him), but he is re-enacting the entire game as he plays it.

If a bad guy shoots at him, he ducks. If he is using the force on something, he moves towards the TV. If he is trying to open something, he opens his mouth real wide. He even flops on the floor when he breaks apart (you don't die in this game - it's Lego's, so you just break apart.).

Here is his latest conversation:

"Don't worry little Anikin, I'm not here to hurt you. I'm here to destroy the bad guys and save you. You have nothing to worry about."

How cute is that?

He is actually narrating his own video game. I think he may be burning off more calories than he does at his soccer games. Right now he is trying to walk up the stairs, so he is balancing on one tiptoe while kicking his other leg in the air.

I love that he is so full of expression, but I can't get any work done because I am laughing to hard! I keep thinking he has to go to the bathroom.

We've Got A Runner!!

My husband and I have always known that we have "active" kids, but this became much more apparent when we began our new soccer season.

Our daughter is a runner. At 2, she is the reason some sick soul out there created kid leashes. When she was younger, I would keep her in her stroller during practices and games. Yes I got some looks from people, but I know my limits.

Well, now that she is older, my daughter is a bit too old to just sit in a stroller, so I now have the pleasure of chasing around the entire retention area that includes our practice field.I can feel the stares and hear the snickers of the 'other' moms as I run across the entire length of the field to retrieve my offspring. What can I do? She will take off at the first glimmer of an opportunity.

Last week I took her to the mall play place, which I am still not a big fan of. I made sure to position myself right next to the only exit. Despite this fact, she still managed to get out and around the corner by the time I had even gotten off my big butt. The only thing that stopped her was a passing mom, otherwise she would have made it to the jewelry store.

Some of my mom friends think I am too overprotective and too overbearing when it comes to what I will let her do, but I know that she will not stop. A few weeks ago, I took the kids outside to play before school. I tried to give her a few extra feet of leeway, just to try and give her some freedom.

Guess who ran in front of a car? She received a pathetic spanking and mom received the precursor to a heart attack, but I feel like we were very lucky.

I warned my husband at the last practice that as we walked to the car, he had to hold her hand every second, or she would take off. Well, he let go and she ran towards the street.

For the soccer games, we did buy a wagon for her to sit in. Did I mention we paid extra for a wagon with seat belts?